Tag Archives: print ads

Tampax is Just Plain Crazy. Period.

Tampax Pearl

This ad for Tampax Pearl leaves me utterly speechless (which is why it’s probably a good thing I’m typing this).

The ad features tennis star Serena Williams wearing a white tennis dress that’s so short we can practically see her hoo-haw. She’s hit a tennis ball. In the foreground, a woman dressed like it’s 1947 holds her monthly gift, which is represented by a red box with a smoking hole in it. We’re led to believe the hole is the result of the tennis ball having been slammed through the box.

If you look at the box, you’ll notice that it forms a little face. The two parts of the bow coming off the top form the eyes. The pink rectangle over the hole is the nose. The hole is the mouth. Once you see the face, you’ll notice it has the same expression as the woman holding the box.

Monthly gift? Box? Hole? A period with an angry face with smoke coming out of it’s mouth? I ask you: What kind of insane minds came up with this?

By Marc Librescu

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Jell-O: Treat Yourself to Collagen!

Jell-o Ad

The headline in this ad for Jell-O is written in a childlike scrawl, inside a big red blobby thing. I can’t tell if the red blobby thing is meant to look like Jell-O or a pool of blood. Together, the type and the red blobby thing are supposed to suggest fun. The problem is that it doesn’t say fun to me. It says blah.

Treat Yourself to Nothing refers to the fact that the dessert has zero Weight Watcher’s points. But it looks to me that they’re unintentionally implying that their product is nothing. Who wants to spend money on nothing? If I really wanted to treat myself to nothing, I’d stay home, save my money and not buy Jell-O.

Besides, everyone knows Jell-O isn’t nothing. It’s something. It’s gelatin, water, sugar, flavoring and food coloring. Gelatin is made from collagen — you know, the same stuff* that celebrities inject into their lips to give them that beautiful trout-pout.

Lips Like Jell-O, sugar kisses.

Marc, you ask, where does collagen come from? The answer comes from our friends at TLC:

“The gelatin you eat in Jell-O comes from the collagen in cow or pig bones, hooves, and connective tissues. To make gelatin, manufacturers grind up these various parts and pre-treat them with either a strong acid or a strong base to break down cellular structures and release proteins like collagen. After pre-treatment, the resulting mixture is boiled.”

So Fun, says the ad copy. And nothing says fun like eating ground-up cow and pig bones, hooves and tissue!

* The collagen used in cosmetic surgery isn’t exactly the same as the collagen used to make gelatin. According to Wikipedia: “Most medical collagen is derived from young beef cattle…Recently an alternative to animal-derived collagen has become available. Although expensive, this human collagen, derived from donor cadavers, placentas and aborted fetuses, may minimize the possibility of immune reactions.”

By Marc Librescu

Coming Soon: The Return of AdMonkey!

The Return of AdMonkey - www.admonkey.org

They said it would never happen, but they were wrong. AdMonkey is coming back.*

Soon.

* Results not typical. Your actual mileage may vary. May cause slight discoloration of the skin, drowsiness, insomnia, or oily discharge. All monkeys appearing in this blog are fictitious. Any resemblance to real monkeys, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Reading AdMonkey may lead to skepticism and occasional bouts of sarcasm. Don’t take on an empty stomach.

Gillette Fusion Power: Up Close And Personal

ad_296

In this ad, Gillette takes a mundane object, a razor, and transforms it into something amazing by playing with perspective. Add the orange background and you have a winner.

My only complaint with this ad is that the copy is difficult to read against the yellow glow in the background.

By Marc Librescu

LG Rumor²: Lose The Butterflies

LG Rumor2 ad

This ad for LG Rumor² asks:

Is it a fashion statement?
Or something better?

My answer:

It’s not a fashion statement.
Or something better.
You’ve taken Heidi Klum,
a beautiful woman,
made her look like a man,
and covered her with insects.

The effect is not so nice.

By Marc Librescu

Always Mind Your Language

Always ad

I’m thinking that an ad for a product of this type should probably avoid using the words going down in the headline.

File this under what where they thinking?

By Marc Librescu

Mott’s Apple Juice: What’s Red And Smooth And Wrinkle-Free?

Mott's ad

A friend recently asked, “Which celebrity do you associate most with apples?” I immediately answered, “Marcia Cross.” I mean, it’s a no-brainer. Marcia has red hair. Apples are red. Marcia’s face is smooth and wrinkle-free. Apples are smooth and wrinkle-free. Marcia grows on a tree and is picked by farm workers. Apples…

So we know why Mott’s picked Marcia to be in this ad. What we don’t know is who are these two kids? Marcia has two-year old twin girls and these kids aren’t them. Like Laminites, those strange people who show up in the photo section of brand-new wallets and picture frames, these kids are fake. Well, they’re real kids who are out there somewhere with their not-Marcia Cross mom and their not-Marcia Cross’s husband dad. But they’re not her kids, despite what this ad would like you to believe.

In case you are one of those skeptics who need proof, here are Marcia’s real kids. You’ll notice that neither of her twin girls are a little boy.

Marcia Cross and her kids.

So there’s Marcia, with her fake kids, all dressed in the colors of apples: red, yellow, and green. Even the wall in the background is yellow and green. And all the yellow and green are the same  shades of yellow and green in the Mott’s logo. Pretty clever. (As a matter of fact, the same colors come up in the photo of Marcia and her real kids—just what is going on?)

I don’t know whether  these people are human logos, if their hair is really made of apples, or whether it’s wrong to crave apple juice after looking at Marcia Cross’s hair. These are just too many existential questions for me to ponder before lunch.


By Marc Librescu