Tag Archives: copywriting

Better Marriage Blanket Filters a Mighty Wind

This is a TV commercial for something called The Better Marriage Blanket. It has a layer of activated charcoal that is supposed to filter out your “flatulence molecules.”

My favorite part of this commercial is where they say: “It makes a great wedding gift or anniversary gift!” I imagine if you gave this as a wedding gift, the bride and groom would cut you out of their lives. If you gave it as an anniversary gift, you’d probably be on the way to divorce court.

By Marc Librescu

The Hamilton Collection Redefines Art

The Hamilton Collection

This might be the worst ad ever for the worst product ever.

According to this ad for The Hamilton Collection, today’s hottest new artist is someone named Margaret Le Van. That sound you hear is the sound of thousands of dead artists rolling over in their graves. Rembrandt, Picasso, Michelangelo, Monet, Manet and Cezanne are all spinning so fast that scientists fear the force it’s creating may change the orbit of the Earth and send it on a death spiral into the sun.

In the copy, we find this line: bolded, italicized and underlined to emphasize its importance:

Plus, she features lifelike eyelashes, a trademark of Ms. Le Can’s art!

If only Picasso had thought to include “lifelike eyelashes” in his paintings — he might have become a real artist!

There’s also a line saying this monstrosity is offered “in a hand-numbered limited edition of 95 casting days.” However, it neglects to say how many pieces were created in a casting day. Maybe some factory in China cranked out 11,000 of these babies a day and there are over a million of these eyesores littering the planet. Who knows?

The ad shows a pink ribbon and states that a portion of the proceeds will be donated to help find a cure for breast cancer but it doesn’t specify what portion. It could be 50 percent. It could be .001 percent. We don’t know.

If you’d like to help find a cure for breast cancer, you can make a donation directly to the Susan G. Komen Foundation. You’ll know how much is going to charity and you won’t have to demonstrate your bad taste in art to your friends.

By Marc Librescu

Soyjoy Does a 180

SoyJoy

When I first wrote about a Soyjoy ad back in 2008, the ad was so bad it made me want to cry and scream and throw things around the room. The second time I posted about the company’s ad, I thought it looked great but was too generic (and I went off on my high-horse about possible problems from eating soy).

This ad nails it. The image merges blueberry, soy and the yin-yang symbol. The headline, along with the image, tells the story:

Whole Soy. Real Blueberries. In Perfect Balance.

There isn’t a load of unnecessary copy for the reader to wade through. It just works.

By Marc Librescu

Sun-Maid Gets Surreal

IMG_3430

You’re sitting on a California beach, enjoying the day. The sky is blue with just a hint of wispy clouds. You feel at peace as you listen to the sound of the gentle waves breaking against the shore.

Then you look up and you see her.

You can’t believe your eyes. It’s the Sun-Maid, you think, the girl from the raisin box. But it can’t be. She’s not real.

Yet there she is, and she’s doing yoga, right there on the sand. She’s even wearing the red bonnet. You want to talk to her, maybe take a photo to show to your friends back home.

Suddenly, inexplicably, a paintbrush materializes and paints a streak of red across the sky. The paint forms a shelf and products start to appear—packages of raisins and other dried fruit.

The Sun Maid tries to reach for the fruit but it’s too high. You run toward her.

Your next memory is of opening your eyes in an unfamiliar room. There’s a TV on the wall, near the ceiling. A nurse stands over you with a look of concern on her face.

“Where am I?” you ask.

“You’re in the hospital,” she says.

“How did I get here?”

“I’ll get the doctor.”

As the nurse walks out of the room, you notice she’s wearing a red bonnet.

By Marc Librescu

In English, ‘Dasani’ Means: Filtered Tap Water

Dasani

The Dasani brand of bottled water is sold by The Coca-Cola Company. Here’s what Wikipedia says about Dasani water:

Coca-Cola uses tap water from local municipal water supplies, filters it using the process of reverse osmosis and adds trace amounts of minerals, including magnesium sulfate (Epsom salt), potassium chloride and table salt (sodium chloride).

If your product is filtered tap water, there’s not a whole lot you can say about it in your ad. So, instead, Coca-Cola has jumped onto the green bandwagon.

Up to 30% made from plants, reads the headline. I guess that means we can all feel good about ourselves when we spend our hard-earned money on filtered tap water. I mean, it’s green, right? And look, the bottle even grows on a corn stalk.

But look closer. It says up to 30 percent made from plants. That means not more than 30 percent. It could be 10 percent. Or 5 percent. Or 1 percent. We don’t really know.

I don’t know how much of the bottle is made from a plant, but I do know that all of the bottle is made in a plant.

Coca-Cola plant

By Marc Librescu

Coming Soon: The Return of AdMonkey!

The Return of AdMonkey - www.admonkey.org

They said it would never happen, but they were wrong. AdMonkey is coming back.*

Soon.

* Results not typical. Your actual mileage may vary. May cause slight discoloration of the skin, drowsiness, insomnia, or oily discharge. All monkeys appearing in this blog are fictitious. Any resemblance to real monkeys, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Reading AdMonkey may lead to skepticism and occasional bouts of sarcasm. Don’t take on an empty stomach.

Just For Fun: Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots