This ad for Burt’s Bees Radiance Serum is another example of the all-too-common mistake whereby a company thinks so highly of itself that it assumes that everyone is going to stop and read all of their copy. To be fair, they probably hired an advertising agency who doesn’t know how to write a compelling ad.
Before I talk about the copy, allow me to digress and talk about the image. I know that there was once a trend toward using real-looking people rather than perfect-looking models, but the close-up shot of this toothy model with an odd-looking nose doesn’t do anything to sell the product.
I’m just saying.
Okay, so we have the headline:
HOW DO YOU GET ALL THE RADIANCE
WITHOUT THE REGRET?
What does this mean? Unfortunately, you won’t understand the headline unless you read the rest of the copy BUT NO ONE IS GOING TO READ THE COPY.
Sorry. Give me a moment to compose myself.
The ad is trying to say that Burt’s Bees Radiance Serum is natural and that competitors use dimethicone, which is a silicone-based chemical. One of the entries in the dimethicone column says that dimethicone is “like the silicone used in caulking to seal tub & tiles.”
Wow, what a great point! But the people who designed this ad think they’re writing a brochure for a doctor’s waiting room. This is an ad—you only get one shot. Burt’s Bees blew it.
Why not show a model’s face with bathroom tile in the background? Have the model hold a tube of silicone tile sealant like she’s going to rub it on her face. Then say in the headline:
YOU WOULDN’T PUT THIS ON YOUR FACE
HAVE YOU READ YOUR SERUM LABEL LATELY?
That will put the fear of God into the reader. “What have I been putting on my face?” she’s going to ask. Then she’s going to want to read more to find out. This is such a no-brainer that it practically writes itself.
Once they have the reader’s attention, they could point out why it’s a bad idea to put silicone on your face and tell how wonderful and natural Burt’s Bees Radiance Serum is.
Am I right, or am I right?